I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
