A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You need Xanax blowdarts
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
