My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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