When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
