Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
