Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
why is half of my head shaved?
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