Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You ruined the universe
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
