She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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