I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
