I want to make a zoo with you.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
