How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
