this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
