At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
