my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Randomize
