And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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