listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
