So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
