I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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