I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
