what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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