Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Watching her eat just hurts me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
