Jerry, you need to find god
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
