I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
