Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
