You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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