WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
