everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
