I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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