You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
