Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
