It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize