man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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