a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
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