my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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