i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
