the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
