my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
