I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
