and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
