He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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