Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
BRING THE BAGELS
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
