am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
