Im at strip club and am horny
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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