You really coming over, don't trick.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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