if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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