this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
