One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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