what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
