I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
