she was so not down for the gang bang
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
