so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
