I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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