I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Enjoy the penises
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
