The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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