People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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