They should really pass out barf bags in church
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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