He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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