ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
