I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
