on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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