she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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