the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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