It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
