I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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