college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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