census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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