I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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