Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She bit a glass in half.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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