Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
