First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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